my first night

February 15th 2009

That was the day I returned back to my infancy. Or at least, that is how I like to put it.

I was so nervous during the day, because I knew what it was I had to do. It didn't keep me from doubting myself.

Questions from Is this right? Is this ok? to is this strange? is this weird? were constantly buzzing though my head.

that night, when it was time...I got into my jammmies and laid everything out the way it was suppose to be

and i resisted...

I asked myself, don't you want to lay down here? to which I said no-no-no, in a cute little 2 year old girl way.

It took me about 10 min to get the courage to even lay down on the unfolded diaper on my bed.

I then proceeded with the powder. I like the smell of baby powder, and always have, so this wasn't too tough for me. But it is very very important for me, since i wear cloth diapers. I didn't want a rash, that was for certain...

Then it took me about another ten min to convince myself to fold it up and snap the cover on.

I was still wondering, is this a good thing? is this ok?

But it was looking at my snuggle bunny. The bunny who i haven't been able to snuggle with and sleep with because of my previous bed wetting. I sooooo missed sleeping with her. She was telling me, hurry up hurry up!

so i grabbed my snuggle bunny, put her on my chest as I folded the diaper on... and I closed my eyes as I snapped the cover... and tied the waist string...

what happened next was amazing. I suddenly felt 20 pounds lighter! A rush of joy came over me... my snuggle bunny hopped on me and gave me a big big big hug! I cried as i snuggled her...

I cried as my little pink bunny danced in delight to finally have a baby to take care of..

I cried as i had never felt so much... just plain ol' joy. Wearing a diaper just made everything feel right!! It was as if I never really wanted to stop wearing them in the first place. I don't know why I have this feeling, because I am pretty much a normal everyday girl...

Well a normal girl with some childlike tendencies

But having a leaky bladder put me back into diapers at such an early age (i am still in my 20s)

and it ended up being one of the greatest blessings in my life :)

I cant, nor will I try to explain why... but it is, and that is what matters most.